You know you love your friends, even the ones that give you gifts and make you think  WTH were they thinking when they bought me THAT!

The first one I will start off with is just simply… well.. over the top.

12. The Snuggie for pets

This dog doesnt look warm, he looks terrified.   The day I put one of  these on my Boxer or Yellow Lab, shoot me, because Ive gone out of my mind.

11.  SoundRacer V10

Not only do you look like a tool driving your  1980 Honda Civic with dangling dice and a stereo system that cost more then the car ever did, but now you can add real big boy supped up car “sounds” Ever hear the wind up sports cars go racing down your road? Don’t envy them, own them.

Plug this bad boy into your lighter and make all the chicks drool when you rev your engine, a powerful blast of RPMage will sound out of your… speakers… yeah… that’s right…be very afraid.

10.Cybertek Wings Version 2.0

Because cleaning my home wearing an apron is just not enough, introducing Cybertek Wings.  Filled with 2 canisters of  Co2 which allows you to open and close the wings up to 15 times, LED lights that run off AA batteries, this is the end all in fashion.

I know the next time I have the womens PTA meeting at my home,  I will be the envy of them all wearing these, and possibly knocking one out standing too close.  What are they used for? Well at 1,000 dollars a pop, who cares.   If you can afford to waste money on this, who am I to judge.

9. Mouse Jiggler

I don’t even know what to say to this. A USB device that will wiggle your mouse to keep it from going into sleep mode.

We all have so many free ports that we need to add this.  If you don’t know how to set your timer to sleep after X amount of minutes, you surely don’t deserve this, much less even know what a USB mouse jiggler is! LAZY!

8. Jesus Pencil Toppers

Before you bible bashing God fearing people post your hiss and boos at me, isn’t it enough I get to see it all on bumper stickers, billboards and all too often my front door, but now you must get me when I write?

For those who cant stand to be one knee bend away from Jesus, let him top your pencils, make a error?  Use the power of Christ to erase your mistake! Hmmm, I might rethink this one.

7.Phobile

Yes how we all long for the days of the big handset phones, why long when you can have it, and technology as well.

If your not a lover of the blue-tooth then this is your thing.  Men, just shove it in your pants pocket and go.  *Visualize* Yeah…

6. iXP3 Internet Messaging Clock

Why? Well because being annoyed in the middle of night by an overly zealous friend texting your cell saying “you up?” isn’t enough.  You must have this!  Not only does it display the time with  waving LEDs to create floating text but hooked up to your Internet anyone can send you a flashy message.

Oh sure your thinking, how cute when you get that good morning message from your loved one, how about the 3 am message of  ” Hey baby last night was yummy good, lets do it again tonight” And your girlfriend see’s it before you do.

5. USB Greenhouse

As if the area around your tower wasn’t cluttered enough, lets add some plants. Not just plants, a greenhouse, not just a greenhouse, a USB greenhouse.

I’m starting to think the inventors of  USB port devices  have just run out of things to stick in our USB ports.   Hey, I love plants, have loads of them in  my home, but I don’t need one stuffing up my USB port.

4. Fundies

Creepy.  What if someone you dont prefer buys this for you? What do you say?

2 close friends not included!  No offense, if you need these to inspire some fun, maybe you should be single. If I ask for lingerie, this is not what I have in mind.

3.Potty Patch

If you have a friend that would actually see that you are so lazy you cant take your dog out to take a shit, then you deserve a gift like this.

Nothing I love more then to be watching TV and have my dog hunchbacked over taking a shit. Filling the house with pleasant aromas of ass.  Seriously? Come on people.

2. Japanese Yelling Vase

Seems these are all the rage ! Really?  I love sports as much as the next person, but so help me….

Ya know that drunk guy at the games that yells throughout the entire game, now you can be as obnoxious and as loud as him, minus the alcohol.

And my number one countdown of useless gifts for Christmas is

1. Gold Pill

You know your significant other really loves you, thinks you are the bees knees, thinks that everything about you glitters, even your shit.

For a mere $425 bucks you can charm the … well you get the idea, dipped in gold and filled with gold leaf, your poop can now be worth something! So when your father tells you you will never amount to shit, you can respond, well I hope so.